quinta-feira, 31 de janeiro de 2008

Do Post Mais Longo Da História Desse Blog ou Estou Pouco Me Fudendo

Jules Feiffer foi meu divisor de águas. O seu Um Barril de Risadas, Um Vale De Lágrimas é o mais longe que consigo chegar em minha memória e precisar a partir de que momento eu estava perdida. Irremediavelmente perdida.

Estava em Blumenau, com oito anos, quando me senti irremediavelmente (sim, de novo, pois eram muitos os remédios que podiam ter me tirado dessa vida) atraída pelo livro O Dia Do Curinga, do Jostein Gaarder. Quis comprar, ao que minha mãe disse que era literatura além do meu nível. Me senti profundamente contrariada. Talvez por isso (ok, não tem talvez, certamente FOI por isso, mas eu gosto de soar branda) que mais tarde fiz questão de lê-lo, bem como adquirir todos os livros desse autor, e durante certo tempo, inclusive, Gaarder foi meu escritor favorito.

Acabamos por decidir a levar o Um Barril De Risadas, presumivelmente porque em parte eu gostei do título, e em parte porque minha mãe viu que tinha desenho, logo, devia ser inofensivo. Que erro! O poder de um cartunista que escreve só se compara a um cartunista, bem... desenhando. Antes dele, só tinha lido a série do Pequeno Vampiro e livrinhos pra crianças. Agora eu tinha travado contato com uma espécie totalmente nova, das espécies que cutucam. E Jules Feiffer cutuca. Não sei dizer quantas vezes já li esse livro tão doce, tão honesto e por isso mesmo tão perigoso. Sei do que tô falando.

Talvez minha mãe devesse, naquele dia, ter me deixado inebriar pelo cheirinho de aventurinhas filosóficas dos mundos seguros pra criança do Jostein Gaarder, de realidades com selo da Abrink. Assim eu não teria passado primeiro pela paixão por Ibsen, pra depois ler O Mundo De Sofia aos 15 anos, mudar minha vida com o Instituto Embeleze e amar a Noruega aos 16, quando só enfim cheguei no livro que era o que eu queria o tempo todo, cáspita. Nele, descobri que havia um mundo perfeitamente desbravável pra crianças, e ela não sabia. Próxima coisa que eu soube, estava nas mãos do senhor Feiffer. Próxima coisa que eu soube, eu era a criança que não formava grupos,vivendo num mundinho próprio com os livros do Yoshikawa ou jogando totó com os meninos na hora do recreio.

Se isto não é a mostra que ali eu estava perdida, então eu não sei o que é. Não havia como coexistir com meninas de oito anos numa escola-empresa que pregava o funk como normalidade e onde todas já falavam "dos garotos que ficaram". Se isso não foi um divisor de águas, eu não sei o que é. Se aos nove e aos dez anos minha convivência mais próxima era a Narayanna, uma garota que naquela idade ninguém achava estranho apelidarem-na (ok, eu apelidei, mas ela já tinha outros apelidos ainda menos elogiosos antes de mim) de McChicken, exceto talvez quem não sabia o que era chicken, numa cidade de conceitos malucos aos quais pode-se dizer que eu "sobrevivi", e se Jules Feiffer não teve o dedo nisso, então eu não sei o que foi.

Pode-se dizer que, depois de tudo isso, eu estava irremediavelmente perdida, porque Jules Feiffer me salvou.

O porquê de tudo isso agora? Estou voltando do Rio, indo pra casa, com aqueles que partilham do ônibus comigo: atrás de mim há uma mulher que informa a todos no veículo de sua conversa telefônica e que a todos chama de colega; um pouco mais atrás, tem-se o menino que joga aqueles minigames (obrigada, Daniel), num joguinho de tiro por vezes num barulho insuportável, por outras a vó convence-o a abaixar o volume do negócio, convencida ela, por sua vez, pela minha cara feia, muito feia, na sua direção. Lá atrás há uma filha que berra à mãe, que esta lá na frente, pra que lhe apanhe o biscoito, pois aparentemente ela não tem as duas pernas, de forma que não deve estar podendo andar e pegar ela mesma. Ah, esqueci de comentar que, de tempos em tempos, o guri canta, mas não adianta, vocês não vão acreditar em mim mesmo.

E aqui estou eu, escudada nesse front de loucura. Como estava sem disposição no momento e incapaz de me concentrar no livro que estou lendo, Niels Lyhne, do Jens Peter Jacobsen, resolvi ler o finíssimo (em espessura, mesmo), Deus O Abençoe, Dr. Kevorkian, do Kurt Vonnegut. Não é talvez a sua obra-prima, embora seja bastante bom, só não depois de ler o Um Homem Sem Pátria, que me causa o que imagino ser a primeira onda de maconha de um viciado, à qual as outras sempre serão mais opacas, mas não obstante ele passará o resto da vida a persegui-la, àquela primeira.

E não é que, lá pelas tantas páginas do Dr. Kevorkian, não vou sapear a orelha final e descubro que a ilustração da capa é de ninguém mais, ninguém menos, que do seu Feiffer? Isso mexeu comigo.

Se eu morrer, e com isso me mandarem pro céu (tenho cá minha opinião sobre isso, que não vem ao caso), e pudesse pedir por algumas coisinhas, além de suco de pêra e comida boa, eu gostaria de encontrar com Kurt Vonnegut com um cigarro na mão, e com Jules Feiffer com um sorriso maroto no canto da boca. E não estraguem meu barato com detalhes frívolos, como o de que Jules Feiffer não morreu!

Eu seria uma mulher realizada.

51 comentários:

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eu preferia a Jenna Jameson vestida de anjinha (e outros ``detalhes frívolos``), mas gosto não se discute. Alem de q nem conheço os caras.

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e sou a favor dos posts longos, e de vc pouco se fudendo se vão achar cansativo.

' Vanilla Blinker (; disse...

quem é ?
ainda não consegui identificar você ! Hhaushsushua :D

pois é, blog é foda³

' Vanilla Blinker (; disse...

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Rita Kramer disse...

Eu diria que é um Dos Posts Mais Longos Da História Desse Blog melhores que já vi na vida.

Primeiro, pela beleza e fluidez narrativa que carrega a gente pelo colo até o final do texto;
Segundo pela sinceridade e carinho com a leitura e pelo depoimento tão inspirador sobre as diferentes impressões. Tô falando da realidade e a da irrealidade, os livrinhos. E como a gente pode ser melhor e menos medíocre tentando misturar as duas.

"tão doce, tão honesto e por isso mesmo tão perigoso."

A gente nunca fala sério, né?
Mas sério, é incrível como essa coisa assustadora que é essa tal de internet e realidade paralela pode nos juntar a pessoas tão raras assim. É uma beleza. Iupiiiii!

Rita Kramer disse...

P.S.: Tenho amigos fãs de Jenna Jameson. =O

Rita Kramer disse...

P.S. 2: Estamos frevando muito por aqui. Pare de ouvir pirralhos reclamões e venha pra RICIFI!!!

Pedro disse...

Juler Feiffer pode até não ter morrido, mas vai morrer um dia, o que torna seu desejo muito plausível. O que torna tudo muito difícil de acontecer é você querer encontrar o Vonnegut no céu. Pelo pouco que eu folheei do livro dele, ele foi direto pro inferno, com passagem só de ida, porque ninguém com aquela inteligência pode estar do lado dos evangélicos.

...

Se bem que eu acho que os evangélicos é que vão pro inferno, porque deus, se existe, criou o cérebro pra ser usado, e não usá-lo deve ser traição.

É. É mais ou menos isso.

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